Today the sun has broken through the clouds on our teething journey.
Harriett is no longer pulling at her ears, or grizzling constantly. Our happy baby has returned.
However the pain in the ass that is my bi-polar continues to test me.
I spend most of my life in two states.
1. Manic - the house can never be clean enough and I go at every nook and crany with a toothbrush and bleach in an exhausting attempt to get it to my standards (which I never reach). I organise and arrange everything from the pantry to the bathroom. I attempt to sit down and within seconds I am fidgeting and surveying my surrounds for something to do. I watch movies, whilst reading a book or scrolling the internet - able to absorb both. I become hyper vigilant for imagined intruders and spend my nights pacing the house checking every lock and window.
2. Depression - Everything is hard, I sit on the couch for hours trying to convince myself to do the dishes. Everything seems lack luster and pointless and I want to sleep. All comments directed at myself are over analysed and interpreted as harsh criticisms. Life is heavy and every task seems add to my burden.
Currently I'm entering the latter phase, this blog was hard enough to write. But I feel prepared. I will arm myself with manageable to do lists which instruct me on daily tasks such as having a shower and doing a single load of laundry. I have a slow cooker, a kind husband, a helpful brother and a wonderful baby girl to help me not endure but bash through this phase until the end.
Over and out
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